Have you noticed how you communicate lately? Is your communication passive-aggressive, intimidating, unclear, apathetic, or not genuine?
If you answered yes to most or a few of these questions, you might need to consider working on your communication. Perhaps we should all because as we evolve, our communication should as well. Even though most experts say 70 to 93 percent of communication is nonverbal, we still need to understand the foundations of speaking and expressing ourselves appropriately for a personal, relationship, and career reasons.
A relationship should be an agreement where the people involved can listen and talk respectfully. Does this always happen? Not often ... but we wish it could!
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to be aware of your emotions and practice self-control. EQ helps to communicate your thoughts effectively without having your feelings lead. It can also help you understand other people's emotions and react accordingly to those emotions. All of this will lead to effective communication.
First off, you need to understand that self-awareness is the foundation for communication, fulfilling relationships, and many things in life. Being self-aware is knowing your feelings, triggers, bias, and motivations. Self-awareness can contribute to the relationship positively and knowing what behaviors to keep away from.
Choosing “I” statements is also very important for expressing your needs because it focuses on you, your feelings, actions, and needs. So, what happens when you use “you” statements? Well, now you have transferred the responsibility to the other person, and they might feel like they are being attacked. This leads to the conversation getting lost.
Just like talking is important, listening is more important. When we listen to understand and hear the person, we can pick up nonverbal cues. This will help us get the other person’s message and help us communicate better.
Choosing an assertive communication style can help you express yourself clearly and respectfully. Being respectful even in the heat of the moment can prove emotional intelligence.
If we need to provide feedback about someone’s actions, we should approach the person with empathy. This is the ability to relate to what someone might be going through, their motives, and emotions. This will keep us grounded when we have a confrontation and help us be respectful and still have our needs and desires communicated.
All of these allow us to respond rather than react. Responding focuses on solutions, whereas reacting can sometimes get us out of control because we act impulsively. If we are at work and someone is not being nice to us, our immediate reaction might be to get upset and say things like “what a jerk” or “people like this make me so upset” can you relate? All these reactions are valid, but since you are at work and your job might be on the line, you may have to consider responding rather than reacting. Responding is different; if someone at work is not pleasant to us, you notice how upset you are getting (this is the reaction), but we stop for a second, perceive the situation, and then move forward based on our perception. In this case, we can have an inner dialogue and perhaps understand your coworker might be having a bad day and the war is not against you.
Responding instead of reacting to situations is beneficial to our mental health because we are not taking on what doesn’t correspond to us instead, we are releasing what is not serving us and focusing on what is.
Of course, this is easier said than done! But just like with everything else you need practice and consistency. You have all the power inside of you to create new habits and enjoy your relationships!
Are you ready for it?